My criminal background check still hasn’t come through get your shit together nj
a new zine called shitty horoscopes that i’ll be premiering this year at the Toronto Queer Zine Fair, among other things! hopefully i’ll make volumes available for online purchase soon. credit where credit is due: this was inspired by the huge number of made-up horoscopes floating around tumblr lately, and angry-poems.
yup, the Libra one is pretty accurate
HE WHO WALKS BEHIND THE ROWS IS NOT FUCKING AMUSED.
Blood Pit Supply Chain & Maintenance Local #91 looks up from the latest Grainger catalogue and glances out the window, draped prodigiously with cobwebs and spider nests this time of year, into the golden late-afternoon sunlight slanting along the green-falling-to-dessiccation of the Corn Maze.
He frowns slightly at the thought that has just been flung his way by Herself, with the force of thousands of others behind her. It is a strong thought, and a right thought, but it is not a happy thought.
He puts down the catalogue, bookmarking it with a small-handled fillet knife and stands, pulling on sprung workboots and gloves that have outlived dynasties, more comfortable than anything with so many scars would be expected to be, and steps outside.
There is a very surprised man in a sport coat, his jewel-toned polo shirt open at the neck, standing there. It is almost always a man when a summons like this is raised, and BPSC&ML#91 is still disappointed by men.
"Who? What? Where?" The man looks around in shock, the beginning of fear kindling far too slowly.
YOU WOULD MAKE A HALF-ASSED JOURNALIST, NOT ASKING ALL THE QUESTIONS LIKE THAT. HOW DOES NOT MATTER. WHY IS OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE BUT YOU.
The man makes to run, but smooth-soled office shoes do not offer much purchase in the dry grass, and he cries out when the hands descend on his shoulders, holding him with inexorable inevitability.
LOOK AT THE CORN.
The man stares. Gapes, really.
The corn, helpfully, rustles in the light breeze off the blood pits. Faintly, so faintly, one can hear the joyous cries of the birthday celebrants playing tag with the shark, or perhaps playing fetch with the bats, or maybe watching the kraken tentacle-paint. But, much closer, is the corn. It rustles like a greedy old miser rubbing dry hands together at the prospect of taking something they don’t like from a person who loves it. Because that is what the corn does, at least when it isn’t laughing at crows.
IS IT SEXY?
"Nuh nuh nuh no…."
WHO WOULD DRESS SO?
"I… I don’t know. It was just a—"
IT DOES NOT MATTER. IT WAS DONE. IT IS A THING YOU DID. AND THIS IS THE THING WE DO.
There is a shove. A scream, quickly torn apart and silenced. An impractical shoe that will need to be put into the bin. And a door closing afterward.
<3 <3 <3
The colors are so mesmerizing and this pattern is a must try! (Victorian step crochet.)
LOOK AT THIS #DRAGONEGG DICE BAG THAT HILARY MADE FOR ME #HECKAHECKAYEAHYEAH
I don’t ever take screenshots of tweets and post them on tumblr, but damn, I’m feeling this. [x]
Moving out of the apartment
This is, without a doubt, the saddest photo I have ever seen in my ENTIRE LIFE.
My daily mid-stretch crisis
1: What would you name your future daughter?
2: Do you miss anyone?
3: What if I told you that you were pretty?
4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?
6: Did you go out or stay in last night?
7: How late did you stay up last night?
8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
12: Have you pretended to like someone?
13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?
16: Think back five months ago, were you single?
17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?
18: Hold hands with anyone this week?
19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
20: Who did you last see in person?
21: What is the last thing you said out lot?
22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
23: Have you ever been to Paris?
24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?
25: Do you use chap stick?
26: Who did you last share a bed with?
27: Are you listening to music right now?
28: What is something you currently want right now?
29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?
30: How is your heart lately?
31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
33: What do people call you?
34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?
36: What are you listening to right now?
37: What is wrong with you right now?
38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?
40: What is on your wrists right now?
41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?
42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?
45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
46: What were you doing at midnight last night?
47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
49: Have you ever been to New York?
50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
i’ve been trying to explain this sketch to people for years
there is literally no way to explain this sketch it’s just a thing you have to see and even then I’m not sure why it’s so funny
I’m just baffled that there are people out there who hate asexuals.They are literally doing nothing.They are literally doing no one.
"What you’re not doing is an abomination"
"Well how about a giant sign that says ‘Don’t.’ You could hit people with it."
They have everythibg hereSkëlëbraägen, aisle 23
[reads summary of fic] THIS IS WHAT I WANT
[reads first 10 words of fic] this is not what i want
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